one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You took a bar mat shot.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
