how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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