I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
