i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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