Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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