Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
