So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
