So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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