is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
