Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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