he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
