i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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