girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
