dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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