I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
