Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
