hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
