Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
no you cant smoke seaweed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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