It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
