some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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