just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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