she woke up with a sticky ear
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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