there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
