She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
