Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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