I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
