I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
