I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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