They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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