rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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