after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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