She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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