I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
