My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
