it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
