True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize