What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
