I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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