but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
drinking out of a sandbucket again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
