I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
