my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
