a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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