I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
