Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
