i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
