I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
