Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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