i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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