I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
