lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.