Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF