this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dating After Heartbreak
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.