I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?