I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.