***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
