Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
