The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
