I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
