She's JV to your varsity
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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