never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
