my vag is so smooth its legendary
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
