are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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