I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
