she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
