Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
