she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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