Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
