I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
