Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
