1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
