remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think my moral compass just broke
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