Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is