Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
