sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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