I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
