i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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