the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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