omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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