I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
