On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
