I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
