I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize