Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
