So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i want to swaddle you in tequila
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
