But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
